Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
