apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
