I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize