sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
