That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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