I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize