At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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