I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
