Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
