you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Randomize
