As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize