even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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