i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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