first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize