TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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