Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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