Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
