I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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