oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize