she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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