i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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