watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
