I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
