Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
