Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
