Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
