lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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