Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
