You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
