no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
