You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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