So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
