all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
