Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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