she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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