I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
birth control should be required to get into college
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
