I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
