I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
