...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize