We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
