I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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