You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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