Welp...herpes.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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