I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
