If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
