he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
