It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
