My brain says no but my pants say off.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I can't put those talents on a resume
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
