i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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