I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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