Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
