Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
