So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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