I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
