She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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