Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
