question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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