i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
