woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
