so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
