I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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