i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
