apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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