fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
