I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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