Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
