what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
