Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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