And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
