I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
