That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
