The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
