So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
