she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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