On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
