I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
