the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
