this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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