i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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