Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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