so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
